“Retirement coach Sara Zeff Geber visited several Northern California assisted living facilities to interview ‘solo agers’—people, either single or coupled, who don’t have children to help them as they grow older.”
She was a bit surprised when she couldn’t find any. She then realized that it’s the adult children who push their aging parents into long-term care facilities. That’s who usually gets mom or dad to move, asks Market Watch in the article “Who watches out for childless retirees? How ‘solo agers’ can stay happy and safe“.
The adult children are the ones who badger their aging parents to leave their single family home and take up residence in a long-term care or senior living community. Those who don’t have children, or whose children are not a part of their lives, are more likely to encounter serious risks like isolation, financial elder abuse, malnutrition and other dangers.
It is the children who usually instruct mom or dad to hand over the keys to the car, who notice a decline in physical or mental abilities and identify sources for help, oversee their finances and supervise caretakers. A solo person who can no longer care for themselves isn’t likely to have the ability to conduct a thorough study of possible living situations.
This is a tough but necessary scenario of which single seniors need to be aware. How can you stay safe and happy while preparing for care you may need in the future?
- Start by building a community. Without an extended social network, seniors can find themselves isolated and lonely as friends die or move in with or nearer to their children and grandchildren. By strengthening ties with the remaining relatives and cultivating new friends, especially those who are younger, it’s possible to build a new network. The same thing applies to making friends with neighbors, the people you see in the coffee shop every day and other acquaintances. You don’t need to be best friends with everyone. However, a big network of what are called “weak tie relationships” can be powerful.
- Be smart about where you live. A walk-up in a five-story building may be great when you are in your thirties, forties or even fifties. However, at some point, that’s just not a good idea. If you live in the suburbs, what will happen when you can’t drive anymore? Not everyone wants or can afford to live in a planned community. There are some cities that have organized villages for aging in place, where there are services available for seniors, including local transportation to and from the local senior centers. Co-housing is another option, where people build clusters of homes around shared spaces. In some communities, there are “naturally occurring” retirement communities where residents socialize and look out for each other. They might crop up in any kind of living situation, from apartment buildings, condos, townhouses, etc. Don’t overlook the “Golden Girls” lifestyle—sharing a home with other seniors.
- Either enlist or if need be, hire future guardians. Estate planning attorneys recommend that all adults have documents in place that permit someone else to make decisions, in case of incapacity at any age. However, for solo seniors, it is especially important to have a power of attorney for finances and a health care proxy for medical/health issues. Without these documents, someone else who may not even know you may be given control over your finances and health care. Becoming a ward of the court is not an ideal situation for anyone, especially a vulnerable senior.
Choosing someone to take on these roles is not always easy. It may be a younger friend or a trusted relative (preferably younger) may be willing. In California and Arizona, it is possible to hire a licensed fiduciary for this role. Your estate planning attorney may be able to put you in touch with an appropriate professional.
Reference: Market Watch (Aug. 9, 2019) “Who watches out for childless retirees? How ‘solo agers’ can stay happy and safe”
For more information on elder law and estate planning, please visit my estate planning website.
